Sunday, May 5, 2013

Zoya - Tinsley, and a little update about me...

Hi guys!  Hope you all are having a lovely weekend.  We have gone from 0-60 here in WA.  We have had like no spring, and jumped straight  into summer.  I've got the air conditioning on in the house as we speak!


The one polish I was looking forward to the most from the Zoya Irresistible was this one.  This is Zoya Tinsley.  I have to admit that when I saw the new summer collection, I thought it looked an awful lot like it belonged with the summer collection from 2 years ago, the Zoya Sunshine Collection (which happens to be my favorite!).

I thought that Tinsley would be similar to Rica, but I'm glad to say it is not.  Rica is a much warmer coral, while Tinsley is a more pinky coral (it's described as a "rose gold" on Zoya's website....mm....I dunno, I guess that works).


I feel like Rica didn't work as well with my skintone as this one did.  I just LOVE it!


(sorry about the healing cat scratch on my pinky, lol)





*sigh* I love it!


Rica on the left, Tinsley on the right.  You can obviously tell the difference here.

.......

So a little off topic here, but I feel like I need to say it.  If you follow me on IG, you will have seen the multiple pictures of my dog recently.  He's had some health issues since December (I'm not sure if I've talked about it already).  But in Dec, we had found that he has VPC's (Premature Ventricular Contractions), which basically means his heart doesn't beat like it normally should.  It does at time's, but at other times his heart beat is off.  These VPC's can be totally benign for an older dog (he just had his 13th Birthday), but they can also be caused by various cancers.

He had had an echocardiogram (ultrasound of his heart) and an abdominal ultrasound at the beginning of the year to rule out various cancers.  The echo was basically normal.  The ultrasound came back overall normal, except a mass seen on his liver.  At the time, the radiologist thought it was probably nothing to be worried about, so they decided not to do a fine needle biopsy of it at the time.  We had started him on an anti-arrhythmic drug.

Well in February he had an episode of weakness (this is one of the symptoms of the arrhythmia (which also includes sudden death by the way...)).  With that info, we wanted to figure out if he was having runs of these VPC's, so we set up to have a Holter monitor rented from Washington State University.  It's basically a monitor that he wears for 24 hours that measures how often he's having these VPC's.  The monitoring came back pretty good, so we increased his meds.  At the time, the cardiologist was able to determine from the VPC's that he has a mass at the base of the right side of his heart.

Early last month, he had another episode of weakness walking up the stairs, and I was actually afraid he was dying.  I held him in my arms and told him it would be okay if he passed away, and I didn't want him to be scared.

Then last week I had noticed more of the unusual breaking pattern that had concerned me when we had found out about these VPC's in the first place.  So we rented the Holter monitor again which came back much worse than  last time.  The first time they recorded about 250 of these VPC's, and this time it was over 2000.  His doctor assured me that this is okay, but the spike that he's had probably has an origin.  So we are again looking for a cause of these VPC's.  He's scheduled for another abdominal ultrasound tomorrow, and he will need to have an echocardiogram again in the near future.

So that's where he and I are at now.  Wednesday I had hit rock bottom with all my anxiety and depression I have been carrying around just worrying about him.  I cried off and on all day at work (I work at vet clinic for those of you who don't know).  The absolute sadness I feel about thinking of my life without him is just too much to bear.

I think a lot of the anxiety I feel right now is due to the fact that I want him to have a "good death".  I want to be able to have time to say goodbye, and I want him to be himself.  I've seen many pets go painful and scared, and I just can't bare to think of my dog going in that way.  I can't shake the feeling that there is something really bad going on with him.  Without doing these ultrasound's we just won't know, and that scares me.

I've already expressed that I wouldn't do chemo if it came to that.  I've seen pets go through it, and just can't stand to see him that way.  It would be one thing if he was a young dog, or even 5 years younger than he is now.  But to prolong his life for a year?  And have him be miserable in the process?  Not worth it to me.  So I am enjoying my time with him now.

I've spent $1500 since December to get where we are today (that's with all the discounts I get at work too BTW), and I would do it again, but this not knowing is just killing me!

Thank you for reading this if you did.  I feel like this is my place to unload, and I feel like it's therapeutic to me.

I hope you all continue to have a wonderful weekend, and since I hate to be a Debbie Downer, watch this video I couldn't take my eye's off of!  I squeed during the whole thing!


10 comments:

  1. Beautiful nail polish! And I am so sorry about your dog. I have three cats and I love them all dearly; I joke that they are immortal, because I can't bear the thought of having to watch them grow old and sick and pass away. I've lost pets before, and it is horrible when you are close to a pet and they can't tell you what they are feeling or what they need from you. Good luck, and I'll be keeping you and your dog in my thoughts.

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  2. Thanks Sarah! I miss hearing from you! I hope all is well!


    I've lost other pets before, but there is something really painful about the thought of this one. Maybe it's cause he is my first dog that was mine. I dunno, but I never thought 13 years ago when I got him that it would be this hard to think of my life without him!

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  3. Great polish so thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your dog and wish I had something encourgagin to say. Losing a pet is hard and I think it's harder when you know it's imminent.

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  4. That's a lovely color! Love ones with a ton of gold shimmer/flecks to them. So sorry for your loss too.

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  5. Oh I am so sorry you guys are going through this, I'm sure you've had a lot of great times and you love him so much.

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  6. This is a really pretty polish.

    It's so hard to watch our animals get older. I have a 20 year old cat - she has been with me since I was 6 - it's hard to imagine life without her.

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  7. Oh Angie, I have nothing but hugs and love for you, I've been where you are right now with a fur baby and completely understand, feel and sympathize with the anxiety, fear, depression and all those other emotions that go with. Just love him, cuddle him and know you are doing the right thing, more than a lot of people would do for their animals. I will be thinking of you thru this all, poor old dog. (((HUGS)))

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  8. I am just catching up on old posts but I am thinking of you and Harvey a lot ♥. Whenever you need to vent don't hestitate to send a FB message or e-mail me!

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  9. Aww, thanks so much Deobrah! It means a lot to me. He gets another echocardiogram tomorrow, and I'm hoping it turns out fine.

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